1. |
Standstill
03:17
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These old roads
Winding me to sleep
Mist banks on either side
Are plundering the scene
There is nothing to keep me here
Behind every bend
Another memory
Rearing its ugly head
I clamp onto the steering wheel
Another tearful street
Same pain, same grief
It seems I’m lost in time
And I still can’t face
Any of it, anything
So lost in time
I swerve off
On more inner travels
Drive an extra block
Take my feelings someplace else
Or let them slip right past
I wonder what it is that keeps me here
I wonder what it is that keeps
This wedge growing so viciously
Everything exists outside the world
That I have been living in
Well something’s got to give
Suddenly the smell of smoke on everything
When I pull up the driveway
It seems I’m lost in time
And I still can’t face
Any of it, anything
So lost in time
I wonder what it is that keeps me here
I wonder what it is that keeps me here
I should be leaving it all
So I’m leaving it all
At the next standstill
I will dive headfirst
Into a future still unknown
Screech out of this place
With the past on my tail
But at least I keep on going
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2. |
Walking, Flying
04:42
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The weather’s mild today
Unclouded as I pass
Translucent human
At last
All stretched
Across the skies
I follow slivers of light
Glide into focus
Can you see me now
All stretched
Across the skies
I follow slivers of light
Glide into focus
A stolen shot
Race back and forth
All forecasts lost on me
Everything just cleared up
Even the city’s been cleaned up
Caught a contour in the distance
Overhead a fine glimpse of myself
Everything just cleared up
Everything just cleared up
Can you feel it
Change into such a beautiful day
Nothing to keep me here
Stalled in mid-air
All obstacles on my path
I push them into the past
For the first time in a long time
For the first time in a long time
Walking, flying
Everything just cleared up
Even the city’s been cleaned up
Caught a contour in the distance
Overhead a fine glimpse of myself
For the first time in a long time
A heat wave on its way
Stifling air
The streets are sizzling
Under my feet
For the first time in a long time
Radiance rushing through me
Radiance rushing through me
Can you see me
Ease into such a beautiful day
Everything just cleared up
Everything just cleared up
Can you feel it
Change into such a beautiful day
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3. |
Cold City
03:18
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It feels like the first winter in years
A dreamlike desire
Sprung out of silence and fear
Cold city
Calling upon my memories
I feel so torn, city
Calling upon these memories
In this still winter’s sun
She’s the image that returns
With all these tears unshed
And all the words we never said
How real is this love
Cold city
Calling upon my memories
I feel so torn, city
Calling upon these memories
The snow upon these blackened streets
A hardened hand
A hardened body between frozen sheets
A first shiver
The first shiver in years
Cold city
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4. |
Dragging
03:49
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Please be my guest
And feast your eyes on
The ordinariness
Greeted by drag
And lacklustre smiles
Deadlocked in place
And so out of touch
I’ve been feeling so strange
An empty heart is never deranged
But these hands keep on
Pushing and pulling me
Into and out of unending days
It’s been building for years, widespread
From the gutters to the streets
To the seams in your window panes
Right to the stream in your veins
Every memory fades
Before it is even made
But I can’t say I’m bothered
I’d rather get rid of them all
They got me feeling so strange
Please be my guest
And feast your eyes on
The ordinariness
Greeted by drag
And lacklustre smiles
Deadlocked in place
And so out of touch
Bereft of every sense
Please be my guest
And feast your eyes on
The ordinariness
Greeted by drag
And lacklustre smiles
Deadlocked in place
And so out of touch
Bereft of every sense
It’s been building for years, widespread
From the gutters to the streets
To the seams in your window panes
Right to the stream in your veins
It all flows the same
I’m not feeling like I should
Feeling like I should
I’m not feeling like I should
Feeling like I should
They got me feeling so strange
An empty heart is never deranged
But these hands keep on
Pushing and pulling me
Into and out of unending days
It’s been building for years, widespread
From the gutters to the streets
To the seams in your window panes
Right to the stream in your veins
It all flows the same
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5. |
Something Good
03:17
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You see
There was nothing left for me
Another year of silence
And all remained unchanged
I counted down the days
I counted down the days
I counted down the days
Then flicked the match away
Now they come crawling from the distance
Panic-stricken through the blaze
Some things just keep dragging on
You know some things just keep dragging on
I smoked them out
Can something good come out of this
I went hunched under their holding
For so long they owned me
And had me in their grip
You see it’s easy to conform
To peace and comfort
And leave it like it is
I always left it like it is
I smoked them out
Can something good come out of this
I smoked them out of their hiding just to expose them
Wide-eyed and guttered, vaguely remorseful
A moment of hope as they spill onto the streets
Coughing their blame up right at my feet
Nothing will ever happen here
Now you see
There was nothing left for me
Another year of silence
But all remained unchanged
I counted down the days
I counted down the days
I counted down the days
Then cleared myself away
And as I crumble to my knees
Unburdened from my shame
I think this has taken way too long
This has taken way too long
Can something good come out of this
I smoked them out of their hiding just to expose them
Wide-eyed and guttered, vaguely remorseful
A moment of hope as they spill onto the streets
Coughing their blame up right at my feet
I smoked them out
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6. |
Still, Disappearing
04:42
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So still, disappearing in
A glistening field of snow
You’re no longer tormented
It just settles on your skin and rests
A slow drawn breath
Fogging up the cold air
There’s so much beauty in your suffering
So still, disappearing in
A glistening field of white
As I watch from my window
See it settle on your skin and rest
A slow drawn breath
Fogging up the cold air
All this beauty in your suffering
Softening the coming end
There’s so much beauty in your suffering
What passes in a glance
Is more than you can grasp
Whatever passes in a glance
Is only the shadow of these strange times
These strange times
Who saved the arsonist
From their own fire
Who brought the cold
Back to your heart
Who heeded the call
Of a veiled desire
Who brought the calm
Back to your heart
Everything undoes itself in the end
Unfolds over time then crumples up again
You hold time in your hands
But find an empty palm instead
An empty palm begging for anything
To come your way
I see
How it seizes you
How it holds you
How it carries you off
I see
How it seizes you
How it holds you
How it carries you off
What passes in a glance
Is more than you can grasp
Whatever passes in a glance
Is only the shadow of these strange times
These strange times
And when the day breaks you are gone
Only an imprint in the murky snow
The city wakes at the crack of the dawn
Sweeps the streets clear together with the thaw
There’s nothing to do
I won’t be coming back
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7. |
The Talker
03:07
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“You’ve never been much of a talker”
Thank you for sparing me the shame
Because every time I try to speak
The attempt deforms my face
You see, it’s not very pretty
You shoved these words into my mouth
And now they keep on dripping over the sides
I try to wipe them with my sleeves
It sticks like filth to my cheeks
I’ve got this pile of identities
But I like the one you gave me best
I guess I’ll keep it as a souvenir
While I get rid of all the rest
You shoved these words into my mouth
And I chewed them down then spit them out
Like bite-sized syllables with a lack of meaning
You shove these words into my mouth
And I keep on chewing until they sound
A bit more like mine
It never speaks
And if it speaks
It speaks in fear
“You’ve never been much of a talker”
Thank you for sparing me the shame
Because every time I try to speak
The attempt deforms my face
You shoved these words into my mouth
And I chewed them down then spit them out
Like bite-sized syllables with a lack of meaning
You shove these words into my mouth
And I keep on chewing until they sound
A bit more like mine
It never speaks
And if it speaks
It speaks in fear
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8. |
Balm (After Violence)
03:38
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A new day after a whole night
Of watching the fire die out
The sun drained to pure white
Cold city all washed out
I hope the snow won’t ever cease
Just let it slowly douse the heat
Try to touch me now, try to reach me
I abide by myself and I’m breathing
I dream of nothing but sweetness
I dream of nothing but sweetness
So still, so cold
I close my eyes and let go
I float, oh I float
I give in to
The great calm
Come on, hang on
The great calm
She carries the cold through the streets
A white veil over piles of debris
It’s a soothing balm after violence
Nestling in the cracks of this silence
I don’t think this snow will ever cease
Just let it slowly douse the heat
They can’t touch me now, they can’t reach me
I abide by myself and I’m breathing
I dream of nothing but sweetness
I dream of nothing but sweetness
I really think the snow won’t ever cease
Just let it slowly douse the heat
A blinding glow where the sun used to be
A blinding glow where the sun used to be
Please let the snowing never cease
Please let the snowing never cease
So cold, so cold
I close my eyes and let go
I float, oh I float
I get absorbed by
The great calm
Come on, hang on
The great calm
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9. |
Poor Girl
03:47
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The poor girl
She’s lying facedown in the snow
Her palms black
Her heart burned to the core
A soft breeze
Lifts the hair out of her face
Uncovers sad sights
A whole life left to freeze
Oh poor girl
Can’t you even spare me a smile
You turned your one-man show into a crowd
The latest talk of the town
You turned your one-man show into a crowd
The poor girl
She’s lying facedown in the snow
Her palms black
Her heart burned to the core
A soft breeze
Lifts the hair out of her face
Uncovers sad sights
A whole life left to freeze
Oh poor girl
Can’t you even spare me a smile
You turned your one-man show into a crowd
A front row seat to tragedy
Close enough to feel the heat
First-hand experience
Can’t you even spare me a smile
A front row seat to tragedy
Close enough to first-hand feel the heat
Slit-eyed passers-by
Don’t be deceived by what you see
I’m still here
Even though there seems to be nothing left of me
I’ve been sheltering this flame
Ever since I planned my escape
A split second
And I remember nothing of those years
Have you ever seen something as beautiful as this
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10. |
Loose Ends
02:58
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It’s been days now
My eyelids quiver
The room it shivers
Disrupting every straight line
And then my sight drifts
Everything shifts
I’m flung from side to side
Nothing to calm the air
Watch out for the unease hiding in the truth
Better huddle up and sway
To the beat of my migraine
Always picking up stranger’s bits
Mould them into existence
It’s been days now
I roam the outskirts
Keep far from the middle
On one of many train lines
And then my sight drifts
Everything shifts
I’m flung from side to side
Nothing to calm the air
Watch out for the unease hiding in the truth
Better huddle up and sway
To the beat of my migraine
Always picking up stranger’s bits
Mould them into existence
It is hit or miss
I leave and I reappear
On a ground so unstable
I’m reeling and I can’t take it
All is shaken up from deep inside
Every night I close my eyes to a different room
Twist and writhe, then I wake up to a different view
But when I peek through the blinds
I’ll only find the same world that I tried to leave behind
I’ve been scraping bits and pieces off the sidewalk
Over all these years, created me, a many-faced feeble thing
All my words unravel as I speak and I might be going crazy
I’m reeling and I can’t take it
I can’t take it, I can’t take it anymore
Nothing is right, nothing is right
I open the door, get smashed by the sun
Can’t walk on my own but now I really need to run
Leave then reappear
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11. |
Oceanic
04:28
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A slant of light through the window
Lays to rest upon her shoulders
As she floats amid swaying motes of dust
She unfolds underneath me
Like a delicate type of flower
And she floats amid swaying motes of dust
And I murmur that I love her
I have never felt this
I hold her
Can she feel how much I love her
Our fingers linger on the linen
Outline the patterns of the sun
Only moments
Then a sudden stroke of skin
I’m enlivened and I vibrate
She tilts her head as I kiss her neck
I see her for the first time again
And I tell her that I love her
I have never felt this
I hold her
She’s the wonder and I love her
And I tell her that I love her
I have never felt this
I hold her
She’s the wonder and I love her
Only moments
And a sudden stroke of skin
She’s the wonder and I love her
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12. |
Try Me Again
04:19
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I left then I reappeared
Neon-lights up ahead
Cut deep through the evening
I feel the boredom so sweetly seeping in
Down in the streets a car alarm blares
Windows are fogged black
Smell of dead in the air
Stopped the rot in its tracks as I shut the door
I sat down in a dim-lit corner
Figured all of this is hell
But at least I stir the flames myself
When I felt something simmer inside me
I shook the shadow off my back
Took a match and flicked it through it the air
Now watch it rise
Watch it rise
I’m more of who I am
And less of who I wanted to be
This is me
I’m more of who I am
And less of who I wanted to be
So I dance with the flashes all through the night
Strike poses for the life-drained masses
Expose my own path through the wreckage
Your eyes have always missed me by an inch
Yet you claimed to know me better than whoever
Well I bet you have never really seen me like this
I’m more of who I am
And less of who I wanted to be
This is me
This is who I am
This is what I’ll be in the end
This is me
This is me
This is who I’ll be in the end
Nothing worse can happen
Let the flames lick your wounds
Even if you deem yourself ruined
And the saviour skips their part
Just let it shake
This is who I am
This is what I’ll be in the end
This is me
This is what I am
This is who I’ll be in the end
I’ve tried
So many times
Every single day
Every night
To be who I am
To be more of me
And it’s fine
It’s so fine
I’ll take pride
In what’s mine
Why don’t you try me again now
A sudden flicker of a light
Signs to a change of times
Well I’m on fire now
So here it goes
I gladly take this blow
Breathe out the past
Tear all the skin of my flesh
And turn it all to ash
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Whispering Sons Brussels, Belgium
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